In honor of National Breastfeeding Month, I want to get a little personal, and share my breastfeeding experience. I want to focus on my experience with Skyler, my daughter and 2nd child. Mostly because I'm still breastfeeding her.
I'm so excited to share my breastfeeding experience here. I have so many thoughts and things that I would like to share, so I apologize if this gets a little long winded!
This is the second part of my Breastfeeding Journey. Read the first part
here.
I really hope this series of posts will be helpful to even just one person struggling with breastfeeding. It's not meant in any way whatsoever to shame anyone who chose not to breastfeed. This is just simply my story and my thoughts on why I am glad I stuck with it even when it was really tough!
bottle refusal
At 16 weeks postpartum the time came to go back to work. To be honest I was ready. I knew I would miss my baby girl, but I was ready to have some normalcy back, along with having more responsibility than changing diapers and breastfeeding all day. (I truly have no idea how SAHM's do it--that's another post for another day, though!)
In the couple of weeks before returning to work, I started trying to pump and feed Skyler bottles. Of course she wasn't taking bottles from me, why would she?! Up until this point, she was exclusively breastfeeding. I even remember during one of my mastitis stints, my husband tried to feed Skyler a bottle so I could sleep and she wouldn't do it. I remember him waking me up feeling so terrible!
So, in order to prepare for being away from Skyler for about 6 hours every day, I asked my mom, my MIL, my husband, random strangers on the street ha! Anyone to try to get her to take breast milk from a bottle. I didn't matter if I was in the house or out of the house. Or if she was at our house or not. I was also trying any different kind of bottle that I could. I think at my highest freak out point I was buying a new bottle every other day. Yikes! None were working.
going back to work
Prior to giving birth, I was pretty sure that I would take 16 weeks for unpaid maternity leave. I have to say I am HUGELY blessed with a very flexible work situation and I couldn't be more grateful for that.
I went back to work with the mindset of "out of site out of mind" and hoping that Skyler would just simply give in and take a bottle at daycare while I was away. Well, about 3 hours in to my first day back at work, I got a call from daycare that Skyler was inconsolable and needed to be breastfed. So, off I went. This began a habit of me taking my lunch break to feed her each and every day. Luckily everyone was so kind and generally understanding. Daycare always had a chair for me to feed her in, and they always tried to keep her awake and ready for me to arrive. They would also give her a bottle periodically throughout the day. Every single day. I was preparing bottles with breast milk to send with her, knowing that she wouldn't drink it and they would just end up getting dumped down the drain. My boss never asked any questions about me getting up to go nurse Skyler and coming right back. Again, it is not lost on me how blessed I was through this situation. I even stopped bothering to pump during the day because I would just breastfeed her at drop off, lunch and pick up (essentially every 3-4 hours). I remember driving to and from daycare so many times during the day and crying as soon as I left her. I kept thinking about how silly it was that I was working, but still had to go to her every 2-3 hours. I felt like I should just give up and quit my job so that Skyler could be home with me all the time. I ended up taking the months of December and January and working from home. I pulled Skyler from daycare and just stayed home with her and tried to work while she napped. It was so unbelievably hard to get any work done! In February I went back to working at the office and Skyler at daycare for about 6 hours a day, and just nursing her at lunch time. This continued until she turned 11 months old. At that point, I decided that I needed to lessen the nursing so she could begin transitioning to the next level classroom at daycare. All in all, it really went pretty well. It was hard on me because I missed having the quiet cuddle time in the middle of the day, but it was also kind of freeing to have the entire work day to myself!
support
Like I mentioned before, it's not lost on me how much support we have had through our 14 months of breastfeeding. My husband has never asked me a single time to consider stopping breastfeeding. He has always gotten up in the middle of the night to bring Skyler to me, or change her diaper, or even try to get her back to sleep on his own. He's been my rock when my mind is racing with ideas that she isn't getting enough milk, or gaining enough weight. He constantly reassures me that I'm doing the best that I can. For me, that has made the world of difference. If I didn't have his continual support, I wouldn't have stuck to it. My best friend has also been a huge source of support. She's a fellow breastfeeding mom, and she's always there to just listen to me and offer simple words of encouragement, or even just an "us too!" She's the one who I can call and vent to after a frustrating nursing in public session, or just about all of the things that only breastfeeding moms truly understand.
If anyone would have told me at 1 or 2 months postpartum that we would still be breastfeeding at 14 months, I would have told them they were crazy! I had so much pain when she would latch in the early days. I remember dreading nursing because I didn't want to deal with the toe-curling pain. Then we experienced things like mastitis, Skyler refusing to take a bottle and even some slow weight gain.
Even though this whole experience may read as dreadful, I just couldn't deny the fact that breastfeeding was working for us. Yes, I was uncomfortable, but my baby was growing. Yes, I was tired, but she was happiest while we were nursing. I couldn't bring myself to take away the one thing that was truly comforting for her. For me, it was worth it to push through the struggles in order to continue breastfeeding.
All in all, our breastfeeding journey has been beautiful. I have such a special bond with Skyler that I will always treasure. I don't know how long our journey will continue, but at this point, I'm letting her take the lead. I try as much as I can to appreciate the quiet moments that we have together because every day she is getting a bit more independent.
